Equal Equal: Sending Men Into Flight

I am writing this like a man who grew up in an era when men were men. It was a time where if a man took out a woman for dinner he would foot all the bills regardless of whether they had enough money all not and still leave with their ego intact. It was a time where taking out a woman was the pride of the man and he would look forward to it. It called for psychological and financial preparedness. Again not just any woman would be taken out for dinner, only special ones would.

Enter the era of poking, connecting, sharing, and everything becomes virtual including relationships between men and women. It is also at this time when a principle called equal equal emerges.

If you didn’t know, equal equal is a new found practice (I am not sure whether it was invented in Nairobi) where men and women split bills equally depending on who is in the party. The woman is not the man’s burden and neither is the man the woman’s burden.

I had read about equal equal in Wanjohi daily (by the way he said he had stopped blogging but I think I have seen some new stories of giants). Initially, I thought equal equal was more of the inventions of the eccentric Wanjohi in his efforts to entertain his mass of followers through sharing of his escapades.

I came face to face with equal equal when after a workshop that I recently attended the hosts told us that we could have dinner together. Of course nobody is likely to resist an evening off in some new place after a grueling three days of learning.

However my colleague and I had first to dispense with some pending assignment and it took us the better part of the evening.  So we told our colleagues that they could go ahead and we were coming later.

When we later got to the joint and we had our fill, the paying of the bills turned out to be an important highlight of the evening. A lady colleague whipped out a phone from her purse and went straight to the calculator, did the Mathematics and declared what each one of us was supposed to pay to the last shilling and cent.

Paying for our food was not the issue, but the act of ensuring that no one suffers is what made me reflect about this new-found equal equal principle.

To me the issue of gender equality had been taken to a whole new level where the woman has asserted herself and declared that they are no longer “sweets” “chicks” and “babes.” It also concerned me that this whole new level of independence would play itself in the household and the position of the man as the head of the house is in threat. In an equal equal environment, there is a radical shift of power and the place of the man and his ego is under threat. 

Maybe I am reading too much in the equal equal threat but when I shared the experience to some female colleagues, they said that although it established the place of the woman on the decision making table, it also represents a situation that sends men in flight.

One of them actually said that men are not ready to suffer a bruised ego through succumbing to equal equal that challenges the traditional roles of the woman as coming second to the man. Yes it is good because it comes with non attachment either financially or emotionally but ultimately if the woman thinks she impresses the man by doing equal equal, she should know that this is what men dread most.

Another said what a woman needs to do is to carry her wallet in the bag just in case, a guy does not have enough money and needs bailing out or there emerges a difference which might force them to part ways. This way she can foot her bills. To her equal equal while seeming good to the woman is detrimental to long lasting relationships with men. “And you wonder why most of the women are not getting hitched, it is because equal equal has invaded the world of men and what men hate most is anything that undermines their authority.” I couldn’t agree more.